Sunday Morning-A Blog From Mommy

Jaime is usually the one that blogs, but I thought I would take a stab at it too...

I couldn't even begin to tell you how many times I heard the word HOPE mentioned in church this morning. Coincidence? I don't think so! I think God was doing what God does best and was speaking to our family in a very profound way. It was a simple message and something that we all know, as Christians, yet still struggle with-as imperfect human beings. I can't speak for Jaime but I know that I struggle in huge ways and live many days in complete and total fear.

We talked about Mary and how she must have felt when she found out that she, a virgin, was carrying the Messiah. Then we talked about Joseph. Mary was pledged to be his wife, and suddenly, she's carrying a child that is not his own. What an enormous and impossible situation that must have felt like. Yet, God worked through all the things that man saw to be impossible. God used the willingness of Mary and Joseph to be vessels to help carry out His perfect plan. A Saviour was born, only to later hang on a cross, and die for you and me. Sometimes, I can't wrap my mind around the fact that our Heavenly Father actually sent His baby to die for me. And that that was the plan ALL along. What a sacrifice. Wow.

The underlying theme all morning long was faith, trust, hope, and living a life to the absolute fullest-regardless of the current circumstance. Trusting that not only CAN God do amazing things, but he also WILL, if He so chooses. That's a very, very hard thing to comprehend at times; especially in the middle of complete and total fear and uncertainty. And even in the midst of all that, He is in complete control and has a plan.

It really was a great lesson and great morning of worship. But don't think that just because I KNOW these things means that they just come naturally to me, because they don't necessarily. I'm scared....all the time. I can't seem to let go of my fears and doubts and 100% trust that God is taking care of me. I am as imperfect as they come. But a work-in-progress, I hope. Through many miscarriages and now a high-risk pregnancy, I know that God is trying to teach me and Jaime something huge. I just don't know exactly what it is and sometimes that's the part that frustrates me so much.

Some praises are:

1. That this condition has been diagnosed!! That really is a big, big thing!
2. A great doctor-that has our best interest at heart.
3. Each and every kick that is felt. Just a reminder of how precious life is and how much fun being pregnant can be. I love every second of it.
4. That it's a girl! Anything would have been perfectly loved after so many losses-but I secretly hoped for another little girl. A sister for Maddie sounded so perfect to me!

Some specific prayer requests right now are:

1. My job. It's a high demanding, extremely stressful job. Pray that over these remaining weeks and months, that I am able to easily brush off the stresses of work each day and focus on the things that matter most with this pregnancy, which is taking care of Brooklyn and me.
2. Pray for the struggles Jaime and I deal with on a daily basis, that all result from our fears and inadequacies.
3. Pray for continued answers to our many questions and an appropriate plan to deliver our little girl safely.
4. Pray for Dr. Harris. That God guides each and every move she makes when caring for me during this pregnancy.